Saturday, February 20, 2010
The Cheever Arms: Part 1
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by Emma H.
"How's my favourite girl?" Charlie called to the front door of his apartment. He placed his daughter's after-school snack of cheese and crackers, arranged in a smiley face, on the little round table.
He heard the padding of her feet as she ran to him. She threw her arms around his middle, hugging him from behind.
"Daddy!" She smiled into his shirt. "My day was crazy!" She moved towards the table and began to shove the little blocks of cheese into her mouth.
"We painted today, Dad! Painted! With our fingers! It got all over, and the teacher wasn't even mad, except with Jordan-"
"Tatum, chew with your mouth closed." Charlie grinned. This was his favourite time of day; Tatum came home and babbled about her day while Charlie watched in amusement as her first-grade excitement bubbled over.
"...and then Lucy showed me her charm bracelet..."
Tatum's thick blond curls bounced in her pig-tails, both on varying points of her head. She had to teach herself how to do her own hair. Tatum's mother had left when she was just three months old, and had never bothered to contact them again.
But Tatum was a happy child, Charlie was grateful for that. He had done his best to fill in the blanks where his wife would have been; singing Tatum to sleep, picking out her clothes, planning birthday parties, even playing Tea Party when Tatum needed a guest that wasn't stuffed. Charlie was grateful that they weren't at that point where Tatum started talking about boys yet, he was already dreading "the talk". He knew he could never take the place of a mother in Tatum's heart, a place that remained empty; but, in truth, he was glad for all the time he got to spend with his daughter. He was glad to never have to share her. He looked at her now, gabbing away, amazed at the way her green eyes sparkled and her porcelain skin always had a rosey flush as though she was just outside in the cold.
"...and then Adam chased me on to the monkey bars! He said he wanted to kiss me, Dad!" she exclaimed, scrunching her nose in disgust.
"Gross!" Charlie offered.
"I know! So I just stayed up there 'til the bell rang. But it was super close....Yuck." Tatum pondered this for a minute, chewing her crackers. "Do I have to go to school tomorrow?"
"What do you think, Tate?" Charlie laughed out.
Tatum huffed and continued to eat her snack, pretending to be angry with her father.
"Did you hear about Nick and Norah?" Charlie finally said, probing her out of her mood. Tatum's eyes flicked up quickly.
"It's pretty exciting. Plus...it's a secret." Charlie watched as Tatum struggled between her curiosity and her desire to win the "I'm not talking to you" game.
"Oh what is it Dad?" Tatum cried. Her eyes were wide and eager with excitement.
"Well...guess!"
"Come on! Just tell me! Please!"
"Alright, Nick asked Norah to marry him last night!"
"Really! Can we go see them? Please, please, please?" Tatum begged.
"Okay, okay," Charlie agreed. "Just finish your snack and we'll head right upstairs."
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8 comments:
Okay, there are a couple spots that I don't like in the story. If you guys have any points of improvement, please let me know!
Plus, Mr. Salvador, I forgot to not put my whole name. Can I remove this and put it back on without my last name please?
No problem, Emma. I just fixed it. Good action within the dialogue parts, by the way.
I absolutely LOVED the: "Gross!" Charlie offered.
I love your Tatum, she's so cute compared to mine :D
The part about Tatum's mum leaving... its unnecessary, especially with the stuff about her later on in the story. Just saying that she needed to teach herself to do her hair is enough for me.
Also, I think there may need to be a more solid ending here, perhaps some sort of action?
But, I love how you incorporated other characters :D It makes the whole building seem like its own little community :D
I liked how you expanded on the father-daughter relationship. You get a sense of the character's relationship, and it provides good background about the characters and their struggles.
Very well written! :D
Thanks for the constructive criticism everyone! :D
haha thanks Tim. ;P
Thats very nice of you to say Clara. :) <3
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